The Art of Forgiveness: Overcoming Hurt and Resentment

Forgiveness is an important instrument which is used in our lives most effectively. It makes us free from the inner pain that has amassed through the years from hurt and pain. The process of forgiving relieves us from this duty; and enables us to detach ourselves and to live a less tense life. While there can be no better quote to use here than the one said by the great Maya Angelou: “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” Passing overcomes us as a means of breaking free from the self-destructive hold that resentment poses, and that has to be healing.

What Forgiveness Truly Means?

Forgiveness therefore is a deliberate act of the mind to drop a grudge against the offender who one feels has done him a wrong. It can be forgiveness of others or self-forgiveness, or can have other forms of manifestation. In both cases, it is in truth a battle to regain harmony within and release ourselves from the hold that bitterness and hurt hahaven us.

When you forgive you do not close your eyes or pretend that the wrong never happened it just means that you are no longer holding it against the person. It is not about not feeling the pain or turning a blind eye to such an offence as some people would want it. Instead, it is about making a conscious decision to refuse to allow the wrongdoer to keep on being a source of harm to us. According to Lewis B. Smedes, forgiveness means to release a prisoner and find out that the prisoner was you. Man has described it as the best form of medicine for people, but I want to correct it and say it is the best form of medicine for the giver. It helps us let go of bitterness that keeps us attached to suffering.

First and foremost, emotional recognition is a crucial aspect of forgiveness. Before we can forgive, we need to acknowledge, both to ourselves and with evidence, that we are angry, sad or betrayed. Emotions can neither be eliminated nor should they be suppressed because this prolongs the suffering and does not allow for the progressive work of healing. We’ve talked about how when we put our feelings ‘out in front of us’ then we can begin the work of healing from it.

The Redemption Found in Forgiveness

It must be stressed forcefully that notwithstanding the humanity of the forgiving act, forgiveness is healing for the one who forgives. Another important result of forgiveness is that each member of the deprived couple feels relief and elation. Forgiving frees us from bitterness and therefore helps reduce the amounts of energy we bring upon ourselves. Such feelings result in stress, anxiety, and potential illness and may provoke other symptoms. And, studies have found that nursing a grudge causes high blood pressure and a weakened immune system among other illnesses. When you forgive, you also free yourself from such a burden and hence improve your overall mental and bodily well-being.

Forgiveness also strengthens our ability to conventionalism and fellow sensitivity. In the framework of forgiveness, we set aside and release the opinions that seem to obscure our vision of people. It is easier this way to comprehend their attitudes and thus their actions that improve the relations. Archbishop Desmond Tutu, who believed a great deal in forgiveness once made the statement, “Without forgiveness, there is no future”. In forgiving, people make themselves vulnerable to establishing better intimate relations.

Navigating the Forgiveness Journey

The concept of forgiveness can be described as a process, a mission in fact, rather than a goal. It’s not something that may be achieved in a single day, and it’s not very often simple. The first, and most important, element of that process is the recognition of the pain that we experience. Whether in anger, sadness or betrayal, one cannot start recovering from it without feeling it in its entirety. In one’s lifetime, there is no greater pain than having a story to tell but still keeping it to her or himself. If we don’t permit ourselves to become sad and upset, angry and vengeful etc., we bottle it all up so we don’t get to move forward.

The second element we have to follow is the rejection of tendencies for revenge or wanting justice when we have admitted our feelings. Everyone of us has a grudge for he or she feels that is the only way of keeping things manageable or at least setting the record straight. Yet, the thing is, such feelings only worsen the situation for us and make the outcome all the worse. Deciding to forgive does not equal accepting the hurt – it is the decision to release control and gain freedom instead. We can learn from the quote of Martin Luther King Jr. that forgiveness is not a one-time given, instead, forgiveness is a continuous process.

Finally, forgiveness also includes the process of choosing one's not to harbour the above emotions any more towards the offender. Selecting forgiveness is selecting the candy or the sweet over the bitter cup of resentment. That sounds like it has nothing to do with forgetting – which it won’t – but the moment it is about choosing not to let it dominate our lives any longer.

Overcoming the Barriers to Forgiveness: Laying Improvements on the Line

Although such acts as forgiveness improve the quality of human relations, no act is easy. One of the most influential barriers is the misgiving of embracing susceptibleness. We may feel that forgiving someone will open doors for him or her to take advantage of you, however, forgiveness is all about charting a new course. It does not mean that one has to invite more suffering into one’s life – it means that people have to learn to let the suffering go – it cannot continue to follow them.

One of the challenges is having to deal with difficult emotions to let go of. Anger could be clung to with passion with the false belief that you have power over someone even when you don’t. But, the words of Nelson Mandela are, “Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Anger only affects us; it does not even affect the person we are angry with.

Last of all, numerous people think that forgiveness means ignoring or pardoning the offender. This is a misconception. Forgiving is letting go of how the situation made you feel, it doesn’t mean you are approving what the other person did.

Embracing Forgiveness: The Path to Peace and Renewal

Forgiveness is one of the most effective ways given to us and man to experience healing and change. It is not about forgiveness of other people’s sins but deliverance from the suffering which chains a person. Love thus redeems because it frees, from the self and others, anger, bitterness, and hostility that hinder emotional growth, health, and well-being of relationships. According to the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “The weak can never forgive. But, the strength of discretion forgives and consequently forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Forgiveness is one of the liberty bastions of strength and power that offers one the ability to take back one’s life and happiness. That is why forgiveness is so powerful it enables everybody to look forward to a future of harmony, non-recrimination, and reintegration.